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Sex Warrior: The Tyranny of Families…

May 29, 2012

ImageThis past year I’ve gone (w/my husband) behind the curtain to personally explore sexual subcultures that are readily available but mostly misunderstood by the mainstream.  The adventure has taken me to nudist & swinger resorts worldwide.  I also became a legal courtesan in NV & made 4 adult movies.  In acknowledgement of my Body-Mind-Spirit approach to sexuality I’ve been nicknamed The Psych-Ho & The Sexual Intelexxual.  I, however, consider myself to be an Apostle of the Obvious as I strive to keep my Mind, my Heart, my Eyes, and my Legs open as much as I can in order to live life to the fullest.  My 2nd book, ‘Sex Warrior’ will be released next week(ish).  Here’s an excerpt on just one topic that I explore in the book…  

…“I know,” I interject.  “She sent me a message.  She said that once she knew what I was doing she was more free to talk about what she wanted to do.  It was as if my example was like giving permission.  I’ve heard some therapists act out in ways they know their clients need to do as a therapy technique.  The therapist does it to open a door and free the client to do or say what they need to work on.”

“Just so long as you don’t talk about this in my community or family,” mom comments for a third time today.  She wasn’t listening to me at all.

Annoyed, I rise.  “I need to go to the bathroom.” Actually, I just need to go inside and take some deep breaths or give myself some Reiki to calm my irritation.

Viki peers over at mom.  As I’m walking away I hear her, “You’re talking to your daughter.  She’s more important than any of those other people.  You need to be a mama bear* and defend her from anyone who would put her down.”

Inside, I close my eyes and breathe consciously and purposefully.  My thoughts soften. A wiser voice than the one in my head a moment ago tells me not to take rejection personally even if it’s mom.  People’s issues are with themselves.

She’s torn between being a loving mom and creating an image others will approve of, trying to get acceptance from people who’ll never give it.  I don’t need her approval. I already approve of myself.  She wouldn’t be acting this way if she weren’t devastated but I know she’s not devastated because of me.  She’s mourning a shattered image; the fact I didn’t conform to a role outside pressures socialized her to believe was acceptable.  The horror, love, protectiveness, and shame she feels about me mixed with worries about how she’ll handle others’ reactions must not be different from anyone who has a loved one ‘come out of the closet’.*  My sin is taking something everyone is hiding so they can pretend that it doesn’t exist and dragging it into the light.  There will be an outcry.  

I remember the story I told Wolf about the tyranny* of families.  We all need to grow and become what we’re meant to be.  It’s hard in a family because they have snapshots of who they believe us to be.  Their desire for familiarity makes them want to hold us to that forever.  When that doesn’t match the picture of who we need to become, often the only way to grow is to leave to become our true selves in a clan that doesn’t have preconceived notions that don’t fit anymore…

Currently my life is being lived in a NV rural Brothel (, in FL (Caliente, Cypress Cove, GilfCoast Resort, & S.FL), outings to Jamiaca & Dominican Republic & home in a remote ultra conservative TN town without a Post Office where we enjoy the simple country life in our 40 acre ‘Holler’.  You can see more about me at,, on FB “Sonja Diane Bandolik”, “Twisted Passage by Sonja Bandolik” & “Dovetail Ranch”


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  1. brad permalink

    love this!

    keep it going!

  2. Fred permalink

    Certainly an interesting life.

  3. Curtis Snyder permalink

    Sonja u r one sexy lass. Keep up the beautiful work and art forms u post.xxoo

  4. Rick Wilson permalink

    Sonja, I have never known such a person, and now that I have you are quite the lady. I’m happy we met. I hope things in your life open up and adventure is always a heart beat away. Rick

  5. Richard permalink

    Hi Sonja, I just love your work so much that I added a link on you Sex Warrior page so others can join in and leave their thoughts. Love You!

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