If the classic traditional wedding just isn’t for you, Love Ranch Vegas (& Alien Cathouse*) whimsical weddings present a lot of fun and different options. Love Ranch Vegas Weddings are imaginative weddings with an Authentic Brothel Madam as a minister. If you’re looking for a unique, personalized ceremony, check out our amazing variety of creative wedding packages. All include special touches as well as character options to officiate your vow exchange. We’re delighted to customize any ceremony so that it will become your dream wedding. All ceremonies come complete with paperwork whether it’s a souvenir, commemorative, or legal documentation. We don’t have to stop at the ceremony, though. You can also organize the sexy after-party of your wildest fantasies. Whether you choose a ritual ceremony, legal matrimony, or a vow renewal ceremony – you get to set the tone for where that is going to lead. You may simply want to infuse some sexy in your union by consummating your marital commitment in our passion drenched location. Perhaps you and your spouse want to celebrate your new open marriage by bringing in a bridesmaid or two to consummate your mutual commitment to passion? Or, maybe, you want to experience a polyamorous fantasy with multiple sister wives? We’ll make sure to work with you to nail this special occasion, allowing you to participate as much as you want and helping with the details you want us to handle for you. Whatever your fantasy, we can customize your experience to be a highlight of your life.
At Love Ranch Vegas, our traditional wedding packages are just right for virtual weddings, legal marriage ceremonies, and intimate vow renewals. Both our Outdoor Gazebo Chapel and our intimate indoor Vegas Passion Chapel make for quaint, picturesque, romantic, or a campy setting to say “I Do” for the first time or again and again.
Ritual Weddings, Vow Renewals, Anniversary Celebrations
“Vegas Hangover Ritual Wedding”
Throw back some liquid courage and be spontaneous. Pick your bride straight from a brothel line-up or even the bar. Get hitched in a ceremonial wedding ritual followed by a reception in the Cherry Patch Bar & a consummation party in the Vegas Honeymoon Suite. You can even have your first extramarital affair down the hall at our Cheap Motel Room, “Dick’s Halfway Inn”, with one or more of the bridesmaids. But don’t worry about drama when your “wife” finds out. Your new bride will serve you breakfast and souvenir annulment papers in the morning.
“Bros-n-Hos Ritual Wedding”
The more the merrier! We take Bromance to a whole other level. This is all about Beer, Babes, & Bros United! Pair up with the gal of your choice and you can all repeat your vows together before following-up with a beer pong reception with your new old ladies. You decide if you want Sports or Porn on the big screen as you lift your Red Solo Cups to cheer to the fact that – tonight – you all get to be the “Best Man”.
“Same Sex Ritual Wedding”
Feel free to treat this like a mainstream traditional wedding because someday soon – it will be. But why should you have to wait for the world to validate what you already know is real? It is such a happiness when good people get together — and they always do. Here is your opportunity to enjoy the sacred ceremony that all soul-mates deserve when they want to declare their love and commitment before their friends and loved ones. Make this the iconic day you deserve.
“Polyamorous Ritual Wedding”
If you want to open your life and your heart to simultaneous close emotional relationships with two or more other individuals – this is your ceremony. We believe you have a right to develop a relationship structure that works for you & we support any relationship as valid as long as it is a choice made by consenting adults. The Love Ranch Vegas is happy to be a sanctuary where you can solemnize your non-traditional, yet very real, relationship. We also offer the poly “experience” if you are just in the beginning stage of thinking how much hotter “more” can be in a relationship and you’re ready to give your seminal idea a test-run.
“Mail Order Bride Ritual Wedding”
We’re taking a very old-fashioned tradition and adapting it to our virtual age. Choose, meet, and develop a relationship with your bride online. Book & plan the wedding together – then meet for the first time (in the flesh) at the altar for your ritual wedding. This is an ideal wedding experience for the confirmed bachelor in real life who wants to still experience this milestone celebration. All the experience & fond memories – and even pictures to immortalize the event – with none of the commitment. Of course – if you find you have chemistry with your new “wife” you can always workout a long-distance relationship to keep the passion fresh over time!
Renewal of Vows
Passion is the number one indicator for marital success and there is no better location to tap into the power of passion than the Love Ranch Vegas. Reaffirm Your Love with a Love Ranch Vegas Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony. Perhaps you were unable to have the formal church wedding the first time? You can choose a romantic, traditional ceremony just like your first wedding, or a fun and crazy Love Ranch Vegas-style wedding package, the one you may have wished for the first time, but didn’t dare go through with. Or you could be looking to bring back some of the romance and excitement by rebooting your relationship with another wedding day? We offer a myriad of options. Celebrating an anniversary? A wedding vow renewal at The Love Ranch Vegas is the perfect way to commemorate a milestone Anniversary! We can even arrange for a surprise renewal, planning in cahoots with the grown children of parents for their parent’s wedding anniversary.
Legal Marital Unions
“Traditional Marriage Ceremony”
Your glamorous wedding at Love Ranch Vegas can be a unique statement or blend all the best elements of an elegant, and even a traditional ceremony, with the fun and fantasy of a wedding theme. Wear your own creative costumes (or, we do offer some costume options on premise), come in traditional gown and tux, or even wear shorts, flip flops and Hawaiian shirts.
Our themed Love Ranch Vegas wedding packages include minister, chapel fee, digital photo packages, a complement of bridesmaids aka witnesses, and courtesy round-trip limousine service from your Las Vegas hotel. Since all packages are customizable you can add or subtract elements to create the perfect event within the boundaries of your imagination & budget. Choose from our most popular Love Ranch Vegas Wedding Packages, including (but not limited to) our Elvis Blue Hawaii ceremony, featuring a legal prostitute dressed up as The King lip syncing Elvis songs. Your “Elvis” can even be flanked by hula girls who dance to the “Hawaiian I’m getting Laid Tonight Song”. You can even tap into our sister brothel – Alien Cathouse’s vibes – and enjoy an out of this world “Alien” themed event. Whatever mood you choose to commemorate your big event – you will leave here legally married as Husband & Wife.
Day of the Dead Wedding
The Day of the Dead serves as a positive affirmation of the cycle of life and death, allowing people to reconnect with the spirits of their loved ones on the Other Side.We were all born and one day we will all die, a concept that Day of the Dead helps us acknowledge, so that we may live our lives with more awareness and meaning. What better theme for a wedding than a Day of the Dead ceremony that expresses the beauty and mystery of life and death. This is a time of sacred celebration & for introspection. It’s also great fun!
Nudist Wedding
Nudism a lifestyle grounded in harmony with nature, expressed through social nudity that has no room for body shame. Those who are members of this natural community often prefer that all their important moments happen in the buff among their kindred. We can offer a wedding package in which you and your spouse to be can stand naked & offer your unadorned vows to each other before your friends and family. We know there’s more than one kind of nudism so you choose whether it’ll be all nude for you, your wedding party, and guests or clothing optional. The undress code is yours to determine.
Reception Packages
Whether you want a choreographed reception complete with a band or DJ, a first dance with the bride & groom, a best man toast, throwing of the bouquet and other traditional elements or just want an all-out party where you & your guests throw back some drinks, dance, sing karaoke, and revel we’ve got you covered. Depending on the size of your wedding party, we are also able to offer transportation (car, limo, or helicopter), lodging, next morning brunch, discounted pre-ceremony & next day spa services. Every package is customizable & negotiable. From traditional weddings to casual, low-key get-togethers to elaborate themed affairs, The Love Ranch Vegas Passion Chapel promises to make your wedding an event to remember. We’re honored to be a part of your special day.
Honeymoon Package
Have your Sex Staycation right at the brothel. What better place to charge up your sex mojo for your long-term relationship? Stay & play with each other – hole up in your room & get room service – or be as social & playful as you want to be with our ladies. Both Love Ranch Vegas & Alien Cathouse are in the center of the great sex triangle – centered between Las Vegas, Area 51, & Death Valley. There are no shortages of diverse past-times to break up your days once you find you must recharge before you can go at it again. All packages are completely customizable.
*If you would rather have your Wedding at The Alien Cathouse – the same packages and offers can be transferred there.
I was doing this as behind the scenes research for my book and never expected to be very successful in the brothel because of my age. The image I had of the successful prostitute was of the young 20 something, perfect spinner type bod with big round fake tits. I worked out and was fit but I was mostly concerned with not looking ridiculous trying to look sexy standing next to girls young enough to be my daughters. However, I was shocked when I was picked from my very first line-up. I was more shocked when I became one of the more popular girls in the house.
The first line-ups I stood in at that seedy rural brothel up north opened my eyes to what real guys find sexy. I was pressured to set myself apart and flaunt what made me unique. Features I disliked became assets I showcased. The fact I was a ‘mature’ was a salable attribute. I had a warmer more sensual attitude towards sex than most of the younger girls. My large areolas, that I always hated, were attractors. I was getting picked frequently over girls less than half my age because I wasn’t marked up with tats or piercings. I was picked because I reminded a guy of his wife. I got picked because I had good teeth, short hair, real tits. I even got picked out of the lineup once by a redneck because I was the whitest looking girl in the place. When word got out about my prominent clit – I got picked for that! Years of being self-conscious of the fact that I didn’t have a polite pussy were for naught. It seemed that men wanted to see it and loved the fact that there was no guesswork when they played with it. We simply never knew what any man walking in the door was going to want in a woman. My new job seemed to be to amplify everything that made me “ME”.
It wasn’t just me getting picked for things I thought would disqualify me. Fat girls, or as they called themselves now ‘thick ’ were popular with a lot of the truckers and darker skinned ethnics. Blondes and red-heads were the popular picks by oriental & middle-eastern men. The Korean girl, not pretty, warm or young, but the only oriental was picked for that alone. Often a girl got picked when word got out she had a bush, was a squirter, or was extremely flexible. In many cases – her overall looks were not a factor. Of course there was also the stereotypical hot sweet blond little girl look that sold but that was something I expected. In fact that was ALL I expected. This culture had proven to be much richer and more complex than I imagined it could be. When you got picked for something you had that no one else in the line-up was offering, there were no hurt feelings. It was not a competition as much as it was a lottery. We all knew we were apples and oranges.
The other thing I worried about was spite, cattiness and jealousy from the other girls. That didn’t happen, either. In fact, the girls worked together and supported one another a great deal. If a girl in the house wasn’t getting picked or hadn’t booked in awhile it created tension for the whole group. It was an imbalance that threatened peace. That girl would be frequently found in the company of other girls who would loan her outfits, help her with hair and make-up, advise her, invite her into one of their parties for threesomes. The happiest times were when everybody got a little something. Of course having a houseful of women basking in the afterglow of their orgasms was a great harmony enhancer as well.
It finally struck me why the real experience of having men choose what they enjoy about women was so different than what I had believed they wanted. We get our ‘picture’ of what defines a sexy woman primarily from the glossy fashion mags. Who dominates the fashion industry? Gay men. What do most of the high fashion models look like? Adolescent boys; tall, lanky, square hips, flat chest, hair pulled back, square jaw, prominent ears, surly expression. What I was finding in the brothel was that heterosexual men liked women of all shapes and sizes but most of all they loved girls with curves. They loved girls who smiled. They loved girls who reminded them of other girls. Confucius said, “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” I was charmed to learn that, for the most part, men are not so shallow as the popular media characterizes them to be. They really do see beauty in all women.
Twisted Passage was written from a lifetime of journals, piles of napkins that had ‘wisdom’ scribbled on them, court documents, and from my personal collection of poems, essays, dreams & past life regressions. The mountains of material I drew from to put together a distilled coherent story still resides in cardboard boxes hidden in out of the way cabinets. This poem, written a year before my divorce fell out of cabinet today. Like a lot of my dusty words, I’d forgotten about it. It’s kind of amazing to look back, knowing I wrote this as if it had already happened, and realize that even with that level of clarity, the person I was then had just under a decade of serious struggle to go through before she would emerge from the other side of that ‘door’.
Untouched and out of touch we gained only distance.
All our wishes came untrue while we plowed fool speed ahead.
We spoke volumes in emblems and meant every word we never said.
And the fear we created made us forget we were happy.
You said all you did was give us a bit of patina; wounds to thicken the skin.
But that made us stronger, not better.
Though I knew that most of the time
The things I tried to tell you were nothing more than sound in your ears,
I had hoped you could still hear the music
Even when the lyrics eluded you.
Finding out you thought so little of me helped me realize
I thought too much of you.
I believe in glass and other unseen barriers –
But not more than I believe in doors and my ability to walk through them.
Here’s my favorite scene in the movie Phenomenon. Doc is talking to Banes, a man having trouble in the romance department…
Doc: Banes…how’s your lady love?
Banes: We… um… we broke up.
Doc: Really? That’s too bad, yeah. Now George has a love at his side and she is sticking with him. You know why? Because he bought her chairs. That’s pretty smart to me. You ever buy Lisa’s chairs?…Every woman has her chair, something she needs to put herself into, Banes. You ever figure out what Lisa’s chairs were and buy ’em? In fact each one of us has our “chairs” – an endeavor we pour our hearts and souls into, that vehicle we use to express who really we are. They are our gift to eternity, our love letter to the world.
My favorite poem of all time was written by Walt Whitman, “Noiseless, Patient Spider”. (For those of you with spider phobias, just substitute the word “silk-worm” for “spider” & you’ll get the same idea.) The jist of it …
NOISELESS, patient spider stood, isolated & to explore the vacant, vast surrounding, It launch’d forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself; Ever unreeling them–ever tirelessly speeding them….And you, O my Soul, where you stand, surrounded in measureless oceans of space, Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing,–seeking the spheres, to connect them; Till the bridge you will need, be form’d–till the ductile anchor hold; Till the gossamer thread you fling, catch somewhere, O my Soul.
You’re probably wondering what the heck? Get to the point already. What do chairs have to do with spider silk? The point is that’s what my books are. They are the vehicle I use to express who I am – to share myself with you. They are my gossamer thread that I am flinging out into the universe on faith that my words will catch onto someone’s heart and connect us. Because it’s not JUST a “product” – it’s very personal. And even though I try not to – it affects me when someone I care about (or says they care about me) passes up the opportunity to get to know me better. It gives me pause when I realize that people I’ve known my entire life are not even curious about me. I am grateful for so many who aggressively got their signed copy. Each one of you knew what you were buying and that it wasn’t JUST a book. I am also delighted by the new friendships that have come my way because people I would have never crossed paths with otherwise were moved by what I had to share. But isn’t that what life is all about? Those of us who make connections will be here for each other. All else will ultimately fall away and be forgotten.
Twisted Passage & Sex Warrior are available at www.PersonalAsItGets.com
Gotcha! I mean, I seriously put the words “prostitution”, “porn” & “sacred” in the same title. While I knew prostitution isn’t considered a mainstream vocation; I was unprepared for the depth & breadth of prejudice against & misunderstanding of the world’s oldest profession. When I went behind the scenes to get an authentic perspective on the topic for my book, Sex warrior, I thought I already knew pretty much everything about alternative lifestyles. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Take the prejudices for example. I figured religious and conservative groups would turn on me. THAT didn’t happen. Instead, I got banned from (SLS) an online swinger group; Not because I was soliciting professional sex (I wasn’t) but simply because I was open about the fact that I had a license to be a legal courtesan in NV. My old nudist community declined to host my book signing because some people knew I’d made adult films. Even the Film Corp. that I made the films with have a corporate policy to never depict professional sex (money exchanging hands) when filming PORN.
So much for people’s perceptions. The REAL experiences I had this past year were mind expanding and soul-nourishing. The brothel experience ended up becoming one of the most personally affirming experiences of my life. For the most part, the people who patronize a brothel are looking for something special – an intimate experience. At least that was the case for me. Often, the ritual of an “official” encounter was used to mark a milestone – letting go of virginity or graduation, for example. Men (& women) also sought the safety of the brothel to experiment with new ideas. Others booked with women to help them through transitions – a move to a new place, a divorce, and even surviving the death of a beloved. I found out very quickly that being a sex worker is not just about sex. Here’s a scene from “Sex Warrior”…
I find Alberto waiting alone in the bar. I smile broadly, “Alberto! Great to see you again!” I wrap my arms around him and give him a hug and kiss on the mouth. We each take a barstool. Facing him, I lean forward and squeeze his thigh. “So how have you been since we last met.”
His face turns melancholy. “Not good.”
I change my tone. “Want to go to my room and talk?”
He nods his yes. I lead him by the hand to my room. I put my hand over his heart. I know from previous encounters that he has a huge scar there from an old injury. “What’s the matter?”
Alberto’s eyes brim with tears. “My wife passed last month. I came here to see you and you weren’t here.” Oh, I’m so sorry!” Alberto’s been coming to me with stories of his sick wife, sick with cancer for years, sons he will have to finish raising alone. The sex between us has been to comfort & nurture rather than live out any fantasies. Mostly, he needed to be held; to feel a heartbeat pounding against his chest. He always came to me for physical consolation but, afterwards, could only talk about her and what a good person she was; how hard it was to watch her decline right before his eyes; how he had to reassure her every day that he would be okay without her. Then with tears in his eyes to me, “But I’m not okay.”
Always, after sex, he’d cry while I held him & I’d keep holding him until he could go back home. Today we’ll do the same but now it’s different. Today he will go home to an empty house. Afterwards as he’s dressing, he looks up at me and says, “Do you think I’m a good person?”
I cup his face in my hands. “Of course you are. Do you think a beautiful and good woman like your wife would have stayed with you and had your sons if you weren’t good? If you can’t trust how you feel right now, then trust her. She loved you. She entrusted her children to you. You need to honor that love by carrying it on. Right now, you need to love yourself through this just as she loved you.”
After he leaves, Renee asks, “Good party?”
“His wife just died. He was in tears most of the time.”
Stricken she says, “Oh I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Don’t be! He needed intimacy & had nowhere else to go. He couldn’t turn to a woman in his community. That would have been an insult to his wife’s memory & an affront to his sons. Not to mention sending a wrong signal to the lady. He needed someone to hold him without adding to his burden….When our hearts cry out the universe answers. I was supposed to be here for him. He was supposed to seek me out.”
Our lives are an endless cycle of beginnings & endings. It’s in the midst of transition that the pivotal, life defining moments happen. They’re sacred rituals allowing us to know & embrace meaning. It has been an honor for me to be a part of so many of those sacred moments this past year.
Why Publish my Story?
by Twisted Passage By Sonja Bandolik on Friday, July 9, 2010 at 9:26am ·
I received my first negative response to Twisted Passage. After pulling the splinters out of my pride, picking myself up, & dusting off – I decided to examine why this individual responded as she did. She was horrified that I revealed intimate details about unsavory behaviors & foolish decisions I made in my life. Her motto, “Never tell anything that’s bad”. Her criticism spurred me to contemplate why I revealed the steamy facts of my life as well as why she clearly felt that was unseemly. A central trait making it possible for me to betray myself was “denial”. This was a survival tactic learned as a child & used well beyond its obsolescence into adulthood. People asked why it took me so long to wake up & I had to answer that my denial of a bad reality simply extended that reality. No monster will go away until it is faced & backed down. The Solana character is a reflection of a person I was over a decade ago. The footprints she made on her path match my feet but my feet have taken her journey to a new & healthier direction. But again the question, why publish?
The first impetus came when I revealed to a married friend that I’d been “acting happy”. I was pretending that the lifestyle I lived was practically my idea rather than admit I was being controlled & manipulated. Her face fell, her eyes welled up with tears, & she said “My husband used you as an example to get me to agree to swing. “ Then she paused & asked, “Have you ever wondered how many other women were coerced because of you?” There were several ensuing encounters with both men & women who I engaged as proofreaders who had unexpected emotional responses & indicated they had similar experiences with manipulative & abusive behaviors& were glad I was willing to “tell”. Years later, a young woman I barely knew told me my story had changed her life. She’d been feeling the same as the Solana character & hadn’t gotten up the courage to tell her fiancé. She read specific passages from the book & they cried together & promised not to get into those manipulative situations anymore. It made me wonder how different my life might’ve gone if there’d been someone there at my beginning willing to share a voice of experience to help me break free from my victim mindset. A lecture or a speech wouldn’t have made a dent in my armor of denial. However, a real story I could relate to that didn’t judge or preach, might have made it through.
This story is full of dysfunction including virtually every form of abuse that we unleash on each other or ourselves. It also includes alternative lifestyles including nudism & swinging. The message, however, is a condemnation of abuse & has very little to do with the background setting. The ways abusers manifest their manipulations vary & are usually multi-faceted. Consensual sex is okay no matter what form it takes, nudism is still a valued aspect of my life, & money is not evil. All is neutral until it’s used either as a weapon or as a form of love. This is a message I had to get before I could give. Instead of an easy list of “This is good & that is bad” – I had to learn to fine tune my own bullshit detector & take responsibility for determining my own values and using my own voice. To quote an old teacher of mine, it requires that I “live creatively with ambiguity”.
Now, some background info on my anonymous critic. She was an incest victim raised in a family that practices almost cultish secrecy & denial. She’s the sister who didn’t tell. I can’t help but believe that, even though she’s a senior citizen now, she still clings to the admonition that bad things will happen if she “tells”. Her denial has formed her into a woman who never gets mad at anyone no matter how badly they treat her. Because she refuses to admit, speak of, or feel that primal violation, she’s extended the “rape” & caused it to last through her entire life. The stunningly strong urge to hide what is ugly is the secret weapon of victimizers & bullies. Courage to come out into the light is required to route them out. My heart goes out to her & to all the other “victims” who stand paralyzed & silent in the shadows of their secrets. That must certainly be the true hell.
I decided to dust off some old notes since I noticed they still speak to the present…
A strange day
I tried something new & it turned into a strange day on my Fan site. I am against censorship and I have made a personal commitment to accept and deal with criticism as it comes. However, when I posted the prompt for everyone’s opinion about whether nudism could also be Christian I didn’t expect that emotions would run so high. I also post quotes from other people. The quotes are chosen solely based on the message and are not an endorsement of any particular celebrity (unless the acknowledgement that this person said something that I consider worthy of sharing to be an endorsement).
I could have deleted posts by a particular fan that I disagreed with. I didn’t because I like the idea of using the page as an open forum where people can discuss what’s on their minds or in their hearts. It wouldn’t be much of a conversation if I only allowed people I agree with to speak. I did, however, send private messages to the individual who I felt was “stirring the pot” to no avail.
Just for the record, Twisted Passage is a journey story about imperfect characters in the real world. The book has many background themes and settings including nudism, swinging, drug & alcohol abuse, and violence as well as many other dysfunctional relationships. However twisted it gets, the reality remains that the characters don’t make bad choices because of anything outside of themselves. They carry their flaws within and would make the same mistakes regardless of the setting or theme.
As for my personal spiritual beliefs, I don’t believe in accidents. Everyone is exactly where they need to be at this moment – right or wrong. You’ve either found enlightenment or you’re where you are because there is still something you need to work through. That’s all I’m going to say about MY beliefs because, in fact, my beliefs should not be important to anyone but me. Each one of you have the obligation to determine your own values and build your own reality that is founded on who & what YOU are rather than from anything or anyone outside of you. I have treasured friends and family members who have been drawn to many different brands of enlightenment, spirituality, or worship. No one person or group can accurately claim they represent an entire belief system. There are serene, kind people, confused, angry believers, and posers within virtually every belief system. While I tend to enjoy the kind serene people I know that I am in no position to cast judgment on the others. The world is full of people fighting unseen battles with silent dragons.
This note is going out because the “fan” in question has written a review of my book that is less than flattering and I’ve decided to post it. I often ask readers if they would send a 3-5 sentence review of the book. I have never asked “Would you give me a 3-5 sentence GOOD review” because I want honest feedback. Just as I allow people to post comments that I may disagree with for the sake of keeping an open forum, I will also publish all reviews – good or bad. I’m not including her review in this note. It can, however, be found on the fan page for Twisted Passage.
Sonja Bandolik
Shortly after posting, “There’s a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally”, I got a message from an old friend from my former nudist neighborhood. He’d been offered the opportunity of having a book signing there since ‘Sex Warrior’ includes & promotes his property. His response, “I don’t want to sound judgmental. However, Sonja’s adult film career has become common knowledge here. I think at this point it would be better for us to maintain a little distance.” So back to taking my own advice… Even knowing at the onset of my adventure that I was getting ready to color waaaay outside the lines – and that would ruffle more than a few feathers – I still find myself reacting emotionally to the insult of other people’s knee-jerk judgments. The “judgment” coming from the nudist resort that doubled as my home and community for a decade did surprise me. “Sex Warrior” is not about porn. I wasn’t asking to film or even promote porn there so the “distance” is not for the activity – it’s to exclude someone who unapologetically participated in that activity in another time and place.
There are as many (or more) kinds of nudists as there are Christians. Shortly after I got my ‘rejection notice’ I heard he’d been in a membership meeting in which he was “beat-up” badly by the old guard over a new policy on a modified ‘dress code’ around the pools. It allows for clothing to be worn in some aspect by newbies and younger people (bringing back memories of my fair-skinned daughter being banned from the pool because adult men complained she had a t-shirt on). He tried to defend his changes by pointing out that the goal is to encourage younger nudists and that can’t happen if they don’t adapt to today’s nudist culture. This ‘old guard’ was indoctrinated into nudism by ‘old school’ AANR. I’m sure in the sixties and seventies they had good reasons for being narrow and restrictive in order to be accepted as a practice centered on ‘family nudism’. I appreciate AANR and all they’ve done to promote and protect nudism. That doesn’t mean I need to swallow this hypocrisy hook-line-and-sinker, or continue to live in a past that doesn’t exist anymore. It seems the individuals who were acculturated outlived the actual culture. They continue to promote and fight for their own rights to live a non-mainstream lifestyle yet disrespect the rights of anyone who doesn’t fall in line with their flavor of dogma. It makes those yard signs punning, “Don’t be clothes-minded!” seem pretty ironic.
A nudist I recently met pointed out, “All these people make a big deal about nudism not being sexy. Well, if it’s not sexy, why are women wearing heels at the pool? Why do people pay a premium to live in clothing optional communities? Why not just go naked in their backyards? Why do they want other people to see them naked?” Another fellow nudist summed up her lifestyle experience, “Nudism is freedom to be comfy in your own body without being judged or scrutinized. You don’t have to be the perfect ‘anything’. As you state in your address, we’re all Free2JustBe. That simple.” Okay, maybe nothing is THAT simple.
A lot of nudists think Swingers are perverts. Some swingers feel that family nudism is deviant. Then there’s exotic dancer vs. prostitutes vs. porn stars. Adulterers and fornicators think all those other people are going to hell but since theirs is a familiar sin it’s more acceptable. Everybody thinks that what ‘I’ am doing is okay but what ‘they’ are doing is sick.” I know from this past year, that some working girls see clients as ‘Tricks’. I know that’s not so much a reflection of how she thinks of the guys but how she thinks of herself. Obviously she wouldn’t see him like that if she didn’t perceive herself negatively as a ‘whore’. The reverse is also true. A man who can look at a woman and perceive her as a ‘whore’ has serious issues of his own self-worth. In both the one who has a tenuous grasp on self value feels the need to belittle the value of the other to appear ‘better’. Perhaps these old school nudist still carry vestiges of shame imposed on them when they were pioneers trying to buck a system that looked down on them. They have had to spend their lives as radicals to drown out dissension. That may have helped in the beginning but now it’s just a bad habit.
I know that every person views the world through his or her own cultural filters (factors that affect how they see things and react to the actions of others). A person’s “culture” is nothing more than a system of shared values that are learned and passed on. We’re often not aware of the filter we’re looking through since we take our own culture for granted. It remains unexamined and accepted as the norm. I’m thinking of a story of a young bride making pot roast for her new husband. Every time before cooking it, she cut off large portions off both ends. Her husband, concerned about the wasted meat asked her why she did that. “Because that’s how my mother did it when she taught me how to cook.” The next time they visited his mother-in-law, he asked her why she cut the ends off of a roast before cooking it. “Because that’s how my mother did it when she taught me how to cook.” Finally, at a family gathering, he had the chance to ask the grandmother why she taught his mother-in-law to cut both ends off the roast. “Because we were poor and I only had one small pot. I had to cut the ends off so it would fit.” The lessons we learn from those who came before us can be awesome tools for better living as long as we don’t abdicate our responsibility to think for ourselves and to question in the process.
In another scene from Sex Warrior I have a conversation with a working girl…
She admits, “I know I’m a disappointment to my mom and that actually has helped me a lot.” She explains. “She’s always been obsessed with presenting the ‘perfect’ image. Everything was sugar-coated. It suffocated me. I grew up resenting her and wishing she’s been a better mom to me. Knowing I’m just as much a disappointment to her as she is to me makes it easier to forgive her for not living up to MY expectations.”
In fact, this community made a huge impression on me and was the place where virtually everything important in my life happened. In many ways, it was/is my family. Now I must watch from the outside and see if my shell-shocked friend will continue bowing to a dead culture or boldly embrace what exists now. Whichever outcome, I will be okay. If I’m accepted as I am, my heart will reciprocate. If not?…Well, when judgment and disappointment are mutual, a balance is struck. Knowing I’m not a human being my community can embrace or welcome makes it easier to forgive them for disappointing me and not living up to MY expectations.
This past year I’ve gone (w/my husband) behind the curtain to personally explore sexual subcultures that are readily available but mostly misunderstood by the mainstream. The adventure has taken me to nudist & swinger resorts worldwide. I also became a legal courtesan in NV & made 4 adult movies. In acknowledgement of my Body-Mind-Spirit approach to sexuality I’ve been nicknamed The Psych-Ho & The Sexual Intelexxual. I, however, consider myself to be an Apostle of the Obvious as I strive to keep my Mind, my Heart, my Eyes, and my Legs open as much as I can in order to live life to the fullest. My 2nd book, ‘Sex Warrior’ will be released next week(ish). Here’s an excerpt on just one topic that I explore in the book…
…“I know,” I interject. “She sent me a message. She said that once she knew what I was doing she was more free to talk about what she wanted to do. It was as if my example was like giving permission. I’ve heard some therapists act out in ways they know their clients need to do as a therapy technique. The therapist does it to open a door and free the client to do or say what they need to work on.”
“Just so long as you don’t talk about this in my community or family,” mom comments for a third time today. She wasn’t listening to me at all.
Annoyed, I rise. “I need to go to the bathroom.” Actually, I just need to go inside and take some deep breaths or give myself some Reiki to calm my irritation.
Viki peers over at mom. As I’m walking away I hear her, “You’re talking to your daughter. She’s more important than any of those other people. You need to be a mama bear* and defend her from anyone who would put her down.”
Inside, I close my eyes and breathe consciously and purposefully. My thoughts soften. A wiser voice than the one in my head a moment ago tells me not to take rejection personally even if it’s mom. People’s issues are with themselves.
She’s torn between being a loving mom and creating an image others will approve of, trying to get acceptance from people who’ll never give it. I don’t need her approval. I already approve of myself. She wouldn’t be acting this way if she weren’t devastated but I know she’s not devastated because of me. She’s mourning a shattered image; the fact I didn’t conform to a role outside pressures socialized her to believe was acceptable. The horror, love, protectiveness, and shame she feels about me mixed with worries about how she’ll handle others’ reactions must not be different from anyone who has a loved one ‘come out of the closet’.* My sin is taking something everyone is hiding so they can pretend that it doesn’t exist and dragging it into the light. There will be an outcry.
I remember the story I told Wolf about the tyranny* of families. We all need to grow and become what we’re meant to be. It’s hard in a family because they have snapshots of who they believe us to be. Their desire for familiarity makes them want to hold us to that forever. When that doesn’t match the picture of who we need to become, often the only way to grow is to leave to become our true selves in a clan that doesn’t have preconceived notions that don’t fit anymore…
Currently my life is being lived in a NV rural Brothel (www.TheDovetailRanch.com), in FL (Caliente, Cypress Cove, GilfCoast Resort, & S.FL), outings to Jamiaca & Dominican Republic & home in a remote ultra conservative TN town without a Post Office where we enjoy the simple country life in our 40 acre ‘Holler’. You can see more about me at http://www.SexWithSonja.com, http://www.PersonalAsItGets.com, on FB “Sonja Diane Bandolik”, “Twisted Passage by Sonja Bandolik” & “Dovetail Ranch”
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sonjabandolik 